why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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