Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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