Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
