So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
