YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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