and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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