the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have post one night stand depression
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
