It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
