i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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