i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
