Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
