yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
