What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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