There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
