he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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