I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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