Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
