clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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