He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
