I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
