You just made me feel so damn special
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
