i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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