My nipple is on Facebook.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
