My Higher Power is John Stamos
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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