Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
