Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
