when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
