Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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