What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
