there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
