I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
