VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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