idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
