ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
