Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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