Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
