The maid of honor just puked.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
