You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
