the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
