I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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