So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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