shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
