My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
