when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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