Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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