Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
