I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
