His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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