his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
