man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
