yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
