She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
