mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
