Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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