You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
...so i touched it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
