How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
