Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
