I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
