Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We have started to decorate penises.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
