Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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