booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
