I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
