I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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