You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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