drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
