Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
