babies were throwing up all over the place
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
